These are my words.

This is my suicide letter to the world.
This is my suicide note to the people I used to cherish.
This is my suicide letter to the people who faded away.
This is my suicide note to myself.
I try to cry at home alone so no one can hear me yell profanities at myself,
Saying how much of a disgrace I am,
How much of a mess I am,
How much of a failure I am,
How much of a disgusting human I am.
I say I'm fine but look at me,
Causing myself harm verbally, and physically, and emotionally.
241 marks, scars, battle wounds.
I've bled each one of them and
I can't describe the feeling.
I've been like this for too long,
Too far down the hole that I can't get back up.
So much disgust.
I see all my flaws, all my changes, all my tears but no,
You don't see them.
I'm trying so hard to become a better person,
To survive this hell on earth,
Trying to get to that point where I can graduate,
To walk across that damn stage because I damn well deserve to after surviving these years.
I'm yelling inside my head saying I deserve this,
Saying I don't deserve this,
Saying I should go end my damned life.
I don't back down on my promises
So I gave up my joy,
And I'm giving up on you,
And I might give up my passion,
My dreams,
All because I said I didn't deserve this.
I don't deserve to be happy since I'm such a disgusting ugly thing.
I don't lie to myself because I know the truth.
I know my thoughts,
My words,
My feelings,
Even if I can't describe them.
I try to feel something again.
So I cut myself so you can tell me to stop.
So I burn myself so you can tell me to stop.
So I starve myself so you can tell me to stop.
But you don't.
You don't tell me anything.
Do you see my message I'm trying to say?
I'm a horrible, worthless being and I can't get the nerves to tell you how I feel.
I've messed up so much trying to make things right
But look where it has gotten me.
I'm that child you're least proud of,
I can't walk in her shoes because
I'm not her.
I'm that ex you wished would shut up and die,
And I try but I can't because this is how I express myself
Even if its just as horrible as I am.
I'm a horrible person,
I'm a sinner and I don't care,
Send me to hell!
I'll be better off there then here.
This is my letter to myself because
These are my flaws and this is how I chose to live.
So this is my goodbye note to the world that never wanted me in the first place.